"If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?"

I would definitely take away the violence that I witnessed between my parents from the time that I was very little. Although the violence between them decreased tremendously as we grew older, what my siblings and I were forced to live with regularly will forever remain in our memory. For many years I believed that it was perfectly normal for a man to have control over his wife or girlfriend, even if that meant physical harm. While I understood that the violence was wrong, the relationship just didn't feel right without it. I believed this as an adult. I often flinched when someone came close to hug me and was sometimes asked why I did this. I could never offer them an answer, as the behavior was something beyond my control and was more like a reflex that lacked any real explanation.

I then married a man who was controlling, verbally abusive, and sometimes physically abusive. His intentions and behaviors were clear when I met him, but because of what I had grown up with they went unnoticed by me. Looking back, I could have prevented so much had I simply not been used to that type of behavior. I now view the world and relationships differently. I am cautious and wary of behaviors in people that most wouldn't even begin to question. While my past has taught me a valuable lesson in relationships and has made me a much stronger person, it also holds me back from many close relationships, including healthy ones. The distance that I allow myself is one that took years to perfect and get used to, but prevents me from ever having to experience that type of lifestyle all over again.-